Holding onto Hope When It’s Hard to Trust

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A Guest Post with (In)courage

I’m at the stove sautéing dinner. There is no recipe, just meat and veggies and a cabinet full of spices, and I’m watching the skillet become art. My phone streams music and my hands keep time by chopping. I smell and taste, engaging all five senses. This is living.

The light tinkling of an alarm cuts my music short and for once it’s not a reminder of an appointment or a necessary task I’d likely forget, it’s only a little nudge to witness beauty if I have the time. I turn toward the windows. The small stripe of visible sky promises a colorful display, convincing me in seconds to leave my duties. I cover the pan and turn down the heat, grab my keys and move toward the door, but I see feet peeking from the side of the couch. I stop.

“Let’s go see the sunset.”

My daughter’s been lounging in the same position since she got home from school. She barely looks up from her phone. “I’m good.”

But she knows – and I know – she’s not good.

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  1. Hi Michelle-
    I don’t know why I hadn’t read this post before because I always read them right away. I read them because I need the encouragement from my old friend. I can pretend you are still living here in VA.

    Thank you for sharing the story of your daughter and praying for her to end the self harm. It is really hard to share your child’s struggles and still maintain their privacy.

    My 9 yr old boy also went thru a period of self harm. He thought because his birth mom gave him up that he wasn’t wanted.

    You were there the day he was born and you know exactly just how much he was wanted after 18 years of waiting for a child. After months of praying, therapy and medication, he has finally climbed out of that hole. God restored my joyful little boy.

    I hesitate to share his challenges with others because I think they won’t understand. You made me realize that when we share these life experiences, we build each other up.

    Thanks for building me up today!


    1. Oh, I know what you mean! I’m sorry you struggled alone. It’s a deep hurt hurting with your child. I’m celebrating his restoration with you just as I celebrated the day he came into your home, and I think of that phone call from the hospital often. It’s testimony we know only a teeny fraction of what the Lord is doing – or what He’s capable of doing.

      Thanks for building me up today by sharing your heart!

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